You miss the world
The one you knew
The one where everything made sense because you
didn’t know the truth
That’s how it works
Till the bottom drops out
And you learn we’re all just hunters seeking solid ground…
Sara Bareilles, “Orpheus“, from “Amidst The Chaos“
A miracle is a shift from fear to love.
Marianne Williamson, “A Return to Love“
As an Iranian, I can tell you the situation is no longer just political – it’s existential. We are trapped between two collapsing structures: one internal, one external. On the one hand, we face a deeply dysfunctional government, led by the Supreme Leader and the Islamic Republic’s unelected institutions.
Decades of economic mismanagement, suppression of dissent, and brutal ideological control have alienated multiple generations. No one believes in reform any more – because every attempt has either been co-opted or crushed. But here’s the paradox: We are also terrified of regime collapse – because we’ve watched the aftermath of Western intervention in countries like Iraq, Libya, Syria, and Afghanistan. Each was promised freedom; each descended into chaos, civil war, or foreign occupation.
So, no – we don’t trust the U.S .or Israel. Not because we support our regime – but because we know how imperial powers treat “liberated“ nations in the Middle East…
The Islamic Republic is morally and politically bankrupt. The alternatives offered by foreign actors are not liberation – they are collapse.
A bad government is survivable. No government is not. We are not silent because we agree. We are cautious because we’ve learned – too well – what happens when superpowers decide to ‘help’. In a sentence: Iran is a nation held hostage by its own regime but haunted by the fate of its neighbours. We are stuck in a house we hate, surrounded by fires we fear even more.
From an Iranian friend who wishes to remain anonymous
The words of my Iranian friend resonated deeply with me. That is true on several levels. The most obvious pertains to the current situation unfolding in the Middle East. I can remember the final years of the U.S.-backed Shah’s kleptocratic reign before it was finally toppled by the Islamic revolution, and the terror thereupon unleashed upon the people of that once great country, forcing many to flee and granting those who remained the alternatives of conniving with the powers that be, fawning, while at the same time gritting their teeth, or sure execution.
Others sought oblivion, a fact reflected in the exponential increase in heroin addiction and other similar scourges from the early years of the Islamic Republic right up to today.
As a member of the Irish diaspora, I need no introduction to the topics of colonial subjugation, mass poverty and disenfranchisement, and the iron fist of a fundamentalist clerical class which didn’t mind which political parties were in power as long as they, in reality, ran the show.
Even the name “Middle East“ tells us something about the language of geopolitics and who gets to define the terminology.
We Irish have experience of both sides of the geopolitical game since, in this context, some of our own people went on to make major contributions to the colonial activities of the European Powers and their progeny, when the attitude prevailed that the world existed simply to be divided up between the Great Powers, with God on our side.
It is ironic that the most persecuted can later become the greatest persecutors of those who are even more vulnerable and less empowered than themselves. Even in our own beautiful country, how we Irish treated “fallen“ women (single mothers) right up to the 1980s is a case in hand. That chapter is still far from over, in terms of facing the facts and delivering restorative justice.
The prejudice meted out to the so-called “Travelling Community“ up to and including today is yet another.
And, to top it all off, we have today in Ireland, people who argue that the country is full and the immigrants who have made Ireland their home over the last three decades, enriching beyond measure the vibrancy and scope of our culture, should get lost, return home, so that “Ireland may once again be restored to greatness….“
The deepest resonance to the quote on the Iranian situation came when I discovered parallels between the predicament of the Iranian people today and that of a traumatised child faced with the implosion of the family of origin. The same terror. The same anxiety. The same feeling of complete helplessness in the face of two or more equally disastrous outcomes.
A bad government is survivable. No government is not. This could be translated into: “Bad parents are survivable. No parents are not. A bad father or mother is survivable, but no father or mother is not.“
When a child growing up in dysfunctional circumstances comes to the terrifying realisation that the parent or parents are not up to the task of providing the basic elements which every child needs in order to feel supported, safe, and to thrive, this reality is so intolerable, that she will look for a different explanation, which, as it happens is always readily available.
“There must be something wrong with me that makes me unlovable and undeserving of the love, protection, and tender care that I need.“
This moment marks the birth of the Judge Saboteur or “Inner Critic“. When the ball gets rolling, further arguments come into play such as: “I am utterly selfish to desire to be loved in such a way.“ Or: “My obligation, as I have learned, is to be there for my mother or father, to keep them in emotional equilibrium. This approach lures with the promise of safety for me.“
It is in the Petri dish of the family of origin that the Saboteurs are born: The Judge and the assortment of ancillary Saboteurs which promise safety but, in the long run, deliver the opposite. The Controller whose mantra is: “As long as I can keep things under control, I will be safe. “ This is supported by the Saboteur lie: “Either I am in full control or out of control.“
Similar patters can be found in the Hyper Achiever, the Stickler, the Victim, the Pleaser, and the Hyper Vigilant, to mention only a subset of the total of nine, as defined in the Positive Intelligence (PQ) Mental Fitness modality.
As long as we are constantly hijacked by our Saboteurs, fear rules our lives and the lives of those around us. This takes place sometimes very obviously, sometimes more subtly. Fear’s toolbox contains a very powerful device that, if not addressed and relinquished, will ensure that the old order will forever rule the day.
This device is denial.
For many years I stewed in the juice of denial. Sara Bareilles describes the dynamic eloquently in her sublime song “Orpheus“:
Missing the world
The one you knew
The one where everything made sense because you
didn’t know the truth…..
Indeed, many of us didn’t know the truth for long stretches of our lives. Denial has an important role to play in our survival.
Seemingly, the Universe will not force us to confront old wounds until a certain readiness and capacity to handle them are in place. In my case, this meant stepping out — at the age of forty-two — of substance addiction, after an active period of twenty-six years of self harm.
Yet that was only the beginning of this process of healing and growth. It has taken almost twenty years in addiction recovery to peel away the layers of denial about what transpired in my childhood, especially in those vital first four or five years.
The result has been grief, grief, and more grief.
This is what I had been avoiding all along. Afraid of being obliterated by the multi-generational avalanche of pain and unexpressed grief on both sides, maternal and paternal, I preferred to obliterate myself every weekend until I toppled from the barstool of fell asleep in some corner.
The paradox is that grief is not about “doing“, but rather an act of “being“.
This occurs by simply allowing the grief to rise to the surface and tarry, for as long as it needs, before moving on: This is the most challenging and healing of experiences. It had never been taught me in my formative years. Nobody was there to model this critical ability. Only after that pivotal moment in 2003, I began to learn from inspirational fellows in recovery: nameless fellows, Bill Wilson, Claudia Black, Tian Dayton, Allen Berger, Wayne Dyer, to mention only a few.
These healers, too, were forced by life’s circumstances to make a life-or-death decision: delve wholeheartedly into the world of Inner Work or die. I am deeply indebted to them and every soul in today’s global movement of Twelve Step recovery.
As “in here“, so “out there“.
The terrifying travails of this world, now clearly visible — real-time — to anyone with access to the internet, are merely a reflection of the collective, as yet untreated wounds of childhood. While it is necessary to deal with both theatres of war, the outer world will never be significantly improved without our engaging in the Inner Work.
PQ provides us a script and (on the PQ App) the practice for doing the Inner Work.
The first step, after admitting that we need to change, and trusting that change can occur, it to take stock (inventory) and recognise how the Saboteurs, for the most part, are still running the show.
As long as we are still actively engaged in an addictive dynamic, whether substance- (alcohol or other drugs) or process-related (consumerism, workaholism, porn addiction, co-dependency, etc.), this awareness will remain beyond our grasp.
Abstinence is the prerequisite and an essential element for cultivating awareness. In its original meaning, the liberation from denial results in “humility“. We get to see the world as it is, and — in the case of our childhood experience — as it was. This is an act of discernment, without judgement, blame, or shame.
After awareness comes compassion: For self, for others, and for life’s circumstances. This paves the way for shifting from fear to love.
PQ shows us and, through practice, empowers us to shift from the fear-driven Saboteurs to the love propelled Powers of Sage: Compassion, Explore, Innovate, Navigate, and Activate. The Sage Perspective — the climate in which the Sage Powers thrive — states that: “Every situation can be turned into a gift and opportunity.“
In order to be able to make this shift, we first need a heightened awareness of our current state of “being“ (feelings, emotions, triggers, old reactive patterns), from moment to moment. Then we can learn to build the mental muscles (Mind Command) that enable us to regulate our autonomic nervous system such that we are calm enough to make the shift from Saboteur to Sage.
We then begin to “respond“ to life rather than simply “react“. We become “responsible“.
By building these three muscles: “Saboteur Interceptor“, “Mind Command“, and “Sage Enhancer“, we can gain levels of mental fitness that will substantially reduce the frequency and intensity of Saboteur hijacking. Even in cases where we do get hijacked — it will happen, we are not saints — we are able to return to the calm energies of Sage more rapidly, and to quickly address — and redress — any harm we may have caused, to self, to others, to our surroundings.
Practice makes progress.
As the great 20th century teacher Thich Nhat Hanh pointed out: “World peace is the sum of each and every one of us making peace with ourselves.“
