Adaptability
One day, however, at the age of eleven or twelve, I left home on a Sunday evening, ostensibly to go to evening mass, but with the conscious intention of putting the contention to the test. Honestly, I waited for a while, petrified, for a bolt of lightning to strike me from the heavens. When that did not occur, there was a great sense of relief. My adventure could now really begin!
Control
Addicts—which I’m convinced are all of us, in one way or another—have an intense resistance to change. We like predictability and control. That’s one of the reasons addicts find it easier to have a relationship with a process or a substance rather than with people. Unlike objects, people are unpredictable. Having a drink, making a purchase, or turning to our devices can change our superficial mood very quickly…
Spontaneity
Watching very young children at play is a gratifying experience. When they feel safe and find themselves `in the zone´, there is no end to their creativity and spontaneity. They exude an air of vitality and freedom, both inspiring and infectious.
When was the last time I felt like this?
Mother
Even very early on, our relationship was challenging. I’m not sure what it was. Perhaps the cause of our initial difficulties lie in those earlies of days, beyond the boundaries of cognizant memory. One of the first things that stands out in my conscious recollections is her habit of shouting. She seemed to operate like a control tower for her ten children, doing her best to protect and coordinate them, regardless of location in or around our sprawling home, and simply turned up the volume, without altering her position, when the desired response was not forthcoming…
Meditation
I am in no doubt that my mind’s proclivity to wander has been the cause of much of the suffering I have generated throughout my life, for my self and others. The harm that has resulted from this suffering has had the greatest impact on those closest to me; harming those we hold most dear in life is one of the most cruel ironies of the human condition…
Defeat
Good Lord, defeat! This was the last topic I wanted to address at that moment. I felt my mental fingernails as they began to graze on the scabs of long-supressed internal wounds and would have preferred to zone out, in whatever way possible. But this therapist knew me a little by now. He knew that my intellectual pride would never allow me to duck the issue, now that it had been presented…
Grandiosity
The results of recovery emerge as we do the work, one day at a time; surrender, abstinence, inventory, clearing away the wreckage of the past, maintaining spiritual fitness, and service. Resentment, anger and antagonism are transformed into interest, willingness and acceptance…
Change
Then there are those of us who find, often in mid-life, that we have painted our selves into an existential corner. Having reached this dead end, change becomes unavoidable, if we are to recover our zest for life and thrive once again…
Resourcefulness
I learned the acronym HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. A simple technique to become familiar with and to practice the basics of self-care. This proved to be only the portal to a whole new array of resources, all opening up before me and available for deployment, should I wish to use them…
Entitlement
The second envelope got me curious. There had been several items of post from Corsica since my accident there on holiday in mid-July; invoices, medical records and confirmations of payment, all of which were required in the on-going process of recouping most of my co-payments for the hospital care provided there. That professional treatment for serious spinal injuries may indeed have saved my life; it certainly safeguarded my mobility – the ability to move my arms and legs, without which life would be very different today…
