Scapegoating
On the definition of sin, I can remember many lessons in junior school where countless examples of sin were expounded by the elderly Jesuits in whose care our education was placed. Original sin, venial sins, mortal sins, white lies, etc. Egged on by my classmates, I would distract the teachers from our regular school work by asking to which category this or that deed (or thought) belonged. Today, I prefer the definition of sin provided by Richard Rohr, contemporary Christian mystic, namely “missing the mark”. This implies that our thoughts, emotions, or deeds are not in alignment with our deeply held values…
Metanoia
Richard Rohr, a leading contemporary mystic, says — when speaking about childhood trauma — that we have only two choices: „We can either transform or transmit (to the next generation)“.
I am so grateful for the many modalities for transformation which have emerged in our lifetime: The ACA Programme, the Positive Intelligence (PQ) Mental Fitness Programme, Polyvagal Theory, Emotional Freedom (tapping) Technique (EFT), various forms of Somatic Trauma Therapy, and more. We truly live in a Golden Age, in terms of the resources available to us, and their ready accessibility to anyone who wishes to partake of them…
Patterns
“In to me see.” True intimacy is one of the greatest challenges for me. As with all of the new behaviours, it gets easier with practice, that is daily practice. For any transformation process – if it is to be successful and sustained over time – is made up of 20% insights and 80% practice. That is the key. And remember, it is not true that: “Practice makes perfect” (for that is the Judge Saboteur coming in through the back door again,) but rather that: “Practice makes for progress.”
Panic!
How many of us have done this in our own lives? We get hurt, betrayed, lied to, or abandoned, and instead of healing, we obsess on the apparent cause of our suffering. We replay conversations. We wait for apologies that may never come. We try to explain ourselves to people who have already shown us they could never truly listen. We pour our energy into understanding the one who hurt us (so we can better manipulate their thoughts, feelings, and actions) instead of caring for the part of us that has been wounded. The truth is simple, even if uncomfortable: Some people bite because they are in the grip of their fear-driven Saboteurs. Systems driven by fear wound because that’s how they are designed…
Mind The Gap!
My general observations lead me to conclude that we are either in autopilot and react in line with the coping mechanisms and survival strategies we developed before our fourth birthday (approximately) or, having developed sufficient awareness, mindfulness, and mental fitness, we learn to pause before responding to whatever stimuli cross our paths in a conscious, loving manner – beneficial to the healing, growth, and joy of all concerned. The term “autopilot” may be considered charitable. Some would call it “sleepwalking through life” (Dr Allen Berger) or even refer to a “Zombie” existence. And of course, this is not an all-or-nothing phenomenon…
Balance
So, it was really telling when, in a recent yoga lesson, we went though balance exercises which included the Vrikshasana (The Tree Pose, where standing on one foot we bring the other to the inside of our upper thigh), that the terror of childhood – as a felt state – returned. My heart began to race; I began to sweat and couldn’t maintain my balance for longer that twenty seconds. Of even more interest was the fact that my breathing froze. Despite all the insights and, indeed, practice in so many other modalities and situations, here we had the default patterns re-asserting themselves immediately, and with a vengeance…
Dis-illusion
Then there is the case of Deepak Chopra whom I have admired as a spiritual teacher and a person who has not only achieved heightened states of awareness but has also been very effective in helping those who have embarked on a similar quest. What alarms me is the documented propinquity, familiarity, and absence of scruples between this powerful spiritual figure and a man (Epstein) whose crimes against children and young women were not only widely known but had already led to criminal prosecution. When someone claims moral authority, association itself becomes evidence of lack of discernment. When Chopra positioned himself as a global moral authority, and spoke endlessly about consciousness, healing, and enlightenment, while simultaneously maintaining close relationship and correspondence with one of the most documented child sex traffickers in modern history, no further „evidence“ of his spiritual bankruptcy is needed.
Slave Patrols
I have been living in Germany for many decades now. My arrival was preceded by the NBC mini-series on the Holocaust which had been broadcast on German TV over four consecutive nights in January 1979 and coincided with public interest in the third instalment of the Majdanek trials, the longest Nazi war crimes trial in history, spanning over 30 years. Members of the main government party, the Social Democrats, had seen the original — English language — NBC series some months earlier and urged its broadcast in Germany, dubbed in German, of course. Broadcast on WDR State TV, the viewership was estimated to have comprised up to 15 million households or 20 million people, approximately 50% of West Germany’s entire adult population….
Emotional Availability
Part of the original process of suppressing my feelings was the creation of a kind of mélange in which feelings, emotions, beliefs, and interpretations were all mixed up together, leading to confusion, or zero emotional visibility, to borrow a phrase from meteorology.
„I feel neglected“ is not a feeling. It is a belief that we hold. „You are disrespecting me“ is an interpretation. „She’s plain evil“ is a judgement. „You make my life miserable“ is an accusation. „I feel deeply sad“ is, indeed, the expression of a feeling. To make matters even more complicated, the boundaries between me and the other (Mother, Father, sibling, etc.) became fuzzy, so I couldn’t be really sure if that which I was feeling belonged to me or someone else…
Fate
After several failed attempts, one day, at last, Finnegas caught the Salmon of Knowledge. He brought it home and instructed Fionn to cook it, warning him not to taste even a single bite. As Fionn roasted the fish on a spit over the open fire, he noticed the scaly skin forming blisters. Of course, he wanted the fish not only to taste delicious but to be well presented, so he pressed his thumb on a blister to flatten it down. In doing so, he burned his thumb on the hot skin. Without thinking, he put his thumb into his mouth to sooth the pain. In that moment, all the wisdom of the salmon passed into him…
