Emotional Availability
Part of the original process of suppressing my feelings was the creation of a kind of mélange in which feelings, emotions, beliefs, and interpretations were all mixed up together, leading to confusion, or zero emotional visibility, to borrow a phrase from meteorology.
„I feel neglected“ is not a feeling. It is a belief that we hold. „You are disrespecting me“ is an interpretation. „She’s plain evil“ is a judgement. „You make my life miserable“ is an accusation. „I feel deeply sad“ is, indeed, the expression of a feeling. To make matters even more complicated, the boundaries between me and the other (Mother, Father, sibling, etc.) became fuzzy, so I couldn’t be really sure if that which I was feeling belonged to me or someone else…
